Hi everyone, we had a really tough week or two lately. We didn’t post about it or tell many people, simply because we knew things were up in the air. But Laci did write a few blog posts during it all, and she’d like to share the story now that everything has been decided. Our hopes is that this blog will share the ups and downs and give a true glimpse of what it’s like to go through the adoption process, even when it’s hard. We’re doing ok at the moment and feel like things happened the way they were supposed to. Please continue to pray for us that the right situation will come up soon and we’ll get to meet our baby! Without further ado, here’s the story of this last week.
UPS AND DOWNS AND ALL AROUND
What a whirlwind! Two weeks ago, we got a call from our facilitator in the late evening that a birthmom had chosen our profile…and that she was due in two weeks! We spoke to her on the phone and decided it was a good match. The mom was in CA and it was a baby girl…we were excited about the way things seemed to fit really well, and that we wouldn’t have to travel out of state (if it’s an out of state adoption, due to different laws, we’d have to stay for a week or more in a hotel room with the baby before coming home). All seemed to be going well…the mom was cooperating wonderfully with the agency, getting her paperwork and med records in, and seemed very sure of her desire to place the baby with us. She even told us that she picked us because we referred to ourselves as “a dorky couple,” which we loved.
We began doing some last-minute shopping, getting the newborn necessities we’d need. We were a bit in shock that it was so close, but super excited. Luckily the nursery was pretty much ready to go, and friends had given us a lot of the bigger items we hadn’t collected yet when they first heard we were adopting. We even had a ton of adorable little girl clothes that a friend had given us months ago. Laundry was done, the house was disinfected, and bags were packed. We were just waiting for the call and would head out on the road. We were getting pretty excited! There were a few days there where neither of us could sleep.
A week went by. Our lawyer, who is responsible for getting all the necessary papers signed, tells us they haven’t been able to get ahold of the mom for a few days. We check in with the facilitator, who says the same. She’s tried 2 phone numbers, email, and texts, with no response. Don’t worry yet, she says, maybe she’s just stressed and overwhelmed. So we wait. Getting more and more concerned and worried each day when no one hears from her for a few more days.
Today is the due date that was specified on the medical records. But the mom had originally told us she thought the due date was May 13 (Mother’s Day, ironically…sigh). So even though no one has heard a thing, we have no idea whether she’s had the baby, is still pregnant but just scared, or is ever going to call us and let us know what happened. We’re stuck wondering, and will probably continue to wonder until the due dates pass and it’s obvious she’s had the baby and didn’t call. Even getting a text saying “I changed my mind” would be so much better than this uncertainty, waiting for the phone to ring and keeping our lives on hold just in case. Just to know she’s ok and wasn’t in some horrible accident or lying in an alley somewhere after getting mugged. We could at least be able to move on and accept that this isn’t the right time for us. But instead we’re forced to stay in this hopeful/sad mode where we don’t know what to feel because there’s simply no information. There’s nothing we can do but wait.
It’s been tough. We’re trying to stay occupied and distracted as much as possible so we don’t sit and dwell on it. I think it’s probably safe to say that it’s not going to work out this time, but pray for us that we can just get through this week so we can start to fully accept that and look forward to the next situation that comes up. We didn’t tell many people about this match for this exact reason…nothing’s ever guaranteed. I suppose it’s better for it to fall through now, before we drove for hours and met the baby, it’d be harder then. And it’s a blessing that we didn’t lose any finances, as everything we paid will still go towards our next match, luckily. Some adoptive couples end up losing thousands when matches fall through. And I think it’s also good that we had such a short wait time, so we didn’t get to know the mom really well and I think it would be harder having pictured “our little girl” for months.
Thanks for your continued support and prayers, everyone! We know that someday the right little one will come into our lives and we’re excited for you to meet them eventually!
… AND BACK UP…
Wow. Just when I started to accept that this particular adoption was not happening, I got a call this morning from the agency. The mom had finally contacted the lawyer! It turns out that her phone had been disconnected due to an unpaid bill, and she had also given birth earlier in the week. Wow! She also reassured us that she still wants to continue with the adoption plan, saying that “the baby is precious and deserves a chance at life…and so do I!” Wow. We’re a little in shock, we were starting to accept that it wouldn’t happen! But we’re excited. I’m so glad to hear that everything’s ok! It sounds like mom wants to spend Mother’s Day weekend with the baby before saying goodbye, which is hard for us, but I totally understand. We’re going to get a lifetime of Mother’s Days with her, so of course she deserves that chance too! I just hope it doesn’t make it harder to say goodbye…it probably would for me if I were in her shoes. That fact does make me incredibly nervous.
So now we’re back to getting things together, cleaning the house, and trying to distract ourselves and get through the next few days without exploding from excitement and anxiousness to get on the road and meet the little one. We’re also TRYING to hold back a little, knowing that nothing’s guaranteed until those papers are signed. It’s weird because you want to be happy and excited, but at the same time, you don’t want your heart broken. We were pretty dejected earlier when we hadn’t heard in a while, thinking it fell through, so that’s got us in this weird inbetween phase where we’re “cautiously happy.”
I’m honestly just happy to have heard SOMETHING. I think even if the mom changed her mind at this point, I have more peace about it than if we had simply never heard back…we would have always wondered if she was ok. Thank you Lord for the news! Baby girl is healthy and doing well, as far as we know.
Just think, in just a few days, we could be PARENTS!!!
… WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR…
Just got the official confirmation…it’s not happening, she’s keeping the baby.
Wow, this has been a really tough week; lots of emotions from excitement to worry to sadness. Up and down and up and then down again. I really feel for this little baby who is going to have a really difficult life. It’s so sad, knowing that. But I also understand that she just couldn’t let her go. Please pray for the mom and baby and her other daughter, that she’ll be able to find the resources she needs to be able to care for her kids. We’re obviously sad, because we were packed up and ready to go at any moment, expecting to meet “our” baby girl. Instead we’re going back into the waiting game, which is hard because we have to let the dreams we had of this particular baby go (I even bought a little tutu, excited that it was a girl), but I know we’ll be ok and will get to meet the baby who was meant for us eventually. It just wasn’t the right time. We learned about the process and know what to expect. I just hope it doesn’t take TOO much longer! We’re really looking forward to being parents. I think we were ok with waiting longer before all this happened. Once your heart shifts into “almost parent” mode, it’s hard to go back to having no particular baby in the foreseeable future. This must be a tiny glimpse of what it’s like to have a miscarriage.
This process is certainly not easy; not for the faint of heart. But we knew that going in, and we still feel like we’re being led to do this for a reason. I know God will make it clear to us in time. We’re trying to stay positive and remember that God has a plan. I just hope that all the tough dramatic stuff is out of the way now, and the next time will be smooth and successful!