I know a lot of people are wondering why we would choose to adopt for our first child, when technically, we’re not infertile. I’ll do my best to explain, so that you can maybe understand our choice a little better.
Yes, I do have some medical issues that make me concerned about what the added stress of a pregnancy will do to my body, and my current doctor agrees that we shouldn’t attempt it at least for a few years, until I have proven to be in better health.
What I need to convey is that the medical parts are just a small piece of the big picture. I have to be honest in the fact that I’ve just never really had much of a desire to be pregnant, so it doesn’t feel like my health issues are “taking away a dream” or anything like that. I know that it is an amazing, magical journey, and I’m always excited to share along with my friends and family member’s pregnancies…it’s fun to watch their belly grow! But I’ve never really applied that to myself. I don’t feel that “urge” to experience it. I know that’s not “normal,” most women want to experience pregnancy, but honestly, I don’t feel like I’d be missing out in the same way that those women who have that desire would.
Yes, we won’t have the ability to pass along our traits and see what a little combination of us would look like. I do have some curiosity about that, but it’s just that…curiosity. We’re both totally ok with not having bio kids, or at least not right now. Both of us feel that we will love our adopted child just as much if not more, because of the journey we embarked upon to find them. And I can’t wait to tell them the story of how we made “Harry Potter wands” to sell at a craft fair to help raise funds to adopt them because we wanted them so much, haha! I don’t feel like we’ll miss out on any aspects of parenting, and we’re so looking forward to teaching a child about our hobbies and discovering their own unique talents. Even bio kids can turn out drastically different from their parents! We will still be going on a 6 months-long, or possibly year-long journey together to learn all about babies, taking parenting classes just like a pregnant couple would, registering for baby products, making a nursery, and will likely experience the birth at the hospital. We will still experience the joys (and stresses) of being new parents, caring for a newborn, and bonding with our child. They will have a strong support system of family, just as they would if they were our bio kids. We are incredibly excited about all that! I’m not ruling out the possibility of ever having bio-kids necessarily, maybe circumstances will change sometime in the future, but for now we feel strong and secure about this decision; that it feels right for us right now.
The last part of why we’re making this choice is that we feel like God is particularly calling us to this option. Every time I ask God to show me whether this is what He wants for us, something happens to continue to prod us along, whether it’s meeting a couple who tells us they just adopted and helping to mentor us or finding out about more financial credits than we realized. It occurred to me the other night while reading a Bible verse the other night that maybe my medical struggles happened so that we WOULD consider adoption seriously in the first place. Almost in the same way Josh and I found each other…so many little things had to line up exactly right, or we would have never met. We’ve even been through the whole “profiles and matching” process before, since we met online! We had talked about how much we liked the idea of adoption even before we were married, but the medical stuff is what created the push to begin researching adoption. Perhaps there’s an amazing kid out there somewhere that God’s chosen just for us, who hasn’t even been conceived yet. Or maybe there’s a girl out there who will be facing a hard decision soon, and we might be her only glimpse of God’s love, being there for her and helping her through it…maybe that relationship is why we’re meant to do this. Or maybe He wants us to be advocates for adoption in some way! I don’t know why I feel that way, but the more we learn about adoption, the stronger the pull is feeling, and the more it feels right. We will continue to pray about it and seek God’s guidance, as we know there might be difficult moments and maybe a long wait. But I have a lot of faith that He’ll lead us through it and get us exactly where he wants us to be.
I hope that helps to show you where our minds are at and why we want to adopt. I know to some of you that our decision may come as a surprise or seem “quick,” but know that it is something we’ve talked about a lot and feel very solid, united, and good about. We hope you’ll support us on our journey, and are looking forward to sharing the process!